TDI Talk Show!
by Jenn the Cat
Summary: Yup, it's another TDI talk show fic. Watch, er, read me as I torture the contestants one by one. Flames accepted. Rated T for some mature themes. ALL CAMPERS INTERVIEWED.
1. Ezekiel

**A little something I did because I was bored.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own TDI.**

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The lights aimed at the stage as the audience began clapping when the big voice cried out, "Live in New York City, it's The Jen the Cat's Late Night Talk Show!!" The audience applaud wildly as the host, Jen, comes out.

She walks for a long time, apparently to annoy the cameramen who have to follow her for the intro scenes. She then walks towards the chair and sticks her tongue out to the lighting person before sitting down.

"Alright," she finally said. "I'm sure you guys are all aware of the popular Canadian reality show, Total Drama Island! Well, today, I'll be interviewing each of the contestants in order of when they were voted off!"

The applause grows larger.

"Now, my first guest will be Ezekiel!"

As the prairie boy strutted towards his chair, there is some boos and some applause and some angry woman shouting, "You sexist pig!"

After he takes his seat, Jen immediately says, "Why did you pick your nose on live television?"

"Um, 'cause my nose was clogged, eh," he said.

"Mm-hm. Likely story. Well then, why was your nose clogged?"

"Wh-what?"

"Answer me, why was your nose clogged?!"

"... 'Cause they were?"

"Well, why were they?!"

"Geez, eh! Why the heck are you harassing me you stupid girl!"

That's when there was an awkward silence. Jen stared at him with a grin she kept on since the last question she asked... But she was not happy.

"What did you say?" She hissed coldly.

"Um... Nothing?"

"I know you said something."

"..."

"Get outta my studio!" As she cried this, she pressed a big, red button that was on her desk and. In front of everyone's eyes, Ezekiel's chair shot him out and the ceiling window's glass shattered as he sped through it, screaming.

Then, with the same creepy grin, Jen stared at the camera in a perky tone. "Let's take a short break."

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**Please review. Flames accepted.**


	2. Eva

**I didn't expect this to get too much good praise. Thanks guys!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own TDI.**

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The break ended quickly, but that was really all the time Jen needed to get back to normal... Or at least as normal as she can get. After taking a small sip of water, she began, "Alright folks, sorry about that. My next guest is the creepy Eva!!"

No applause was heard from the audience as the bulky man, er, girl walked on to the stage. She then turned and growled at the audience which created instance clapping and applause.

As Eva sat down, Jen rolled her eyes at what she had just seen her do to the audience. "Yeah, so, Eva, what's it like to be transsexual?"

"What did you say?" She coldly replied.

"I said, what's it like to be transsexual. I mean, you can't be a girl with that body! Has anyone even dated you before? Weird, in elementary school, I was voted most likely to die alone, but look at you! I mean, come on, probably every guy thought you were too scary, you would beat the crap out of them, and that you're probably a guy yourself." The insults go on.

Insults were splattered all over Eva's face. Instead of an interview, this was turning into a, to be, nightmare to Jen.

Everyone could tell that Eva was getting irritated just by looking at her face. It was growing redder by the minute. Finally, she had enough and jumped on the desk, frightening Jen enough to make her pee her pants. "Say one more trash about me and you'll be crippled for the rest of your life!"

"... Yo mama?"

"That's it!" She began to try to strangle Jen but was stopped at Jen's plea for the security.

The security men was able to stop her fro about half a minute before she broke free. That's when Jen randomly pulled out a tranquilizer gun and shot out a dart to Eva. She was wiped out instantly.

As Eva was being carried away, Jen turned to the audience and said, "Now wasn't that exciting? Aren't you glad that you're all here live?"

An audience member raised his hand.

"Yes?"

"Why do you have a tranquilizer gun?"

After asking his question, Jen shot another dart towards him. As he fell, deep in sleep, to the ground, the other audience memebers gasped in horror.

"That's why," she said in a so-perky-it'll-break-your-teeth way.

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**Alright, that was definitely not as funny as the first. I'll do better next time.**

**Please review.**


	3. Noah

**You won't believe how much I've been updating my fics today. Seriously!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own TDI.**

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After another sip of water, Jen turned to the, still frightened, audience and said, "Alright, you guys all know who's next. It's Noah!"

As Noah walked out, he was holding a book and had a bored face. He was completely ignoring the applause that was clapping wildly.

As he sat down, Jen took a minute to powder her nose. After that, she smiled sweetly at Noah. "Hi ya cutie."

"What?"

"Alright, flirting time's over. Let's tango."

"Yeah, whatever," Noah said as he began reading his book.

"Can you try to act excited?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry. What would you like the people at home to know about me?" He said with an obviously fake excitement.

"Whatever," she groaned. "Alright, so how's your relationship with Cody going on?"

"What?!" As he said this, his book fell to the floor. "I'm not gay!"

"The way you say 'whatever' speaks for itself."

"Shut up!"

"Now, let's remind ourselves how much you love Cody." She grabbed out a remote from one of the drawers in her desk and pressed on a bright, green button. Right behind them, a TV screen appeared and showed Noah and Cody's accidental kissing scene from the third episode.

The audience is roaring with laughter while Noah runs out of the room in total embarrassment.

"Aw," Jen said. "I didn't really get started on him."

Then, she took notice of the book Noah had dropped on the floor and picked it up. Other than the title, Noah's name was labeled neatly on the cover. With not much thought in doing so, she read the title of the book. " 'So You Think You're Gay and You Don't Want to Be'... I think I'll go sell this on the Internet."

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**Sorry that it's so short. Please review.**


	4. Justin

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own TDI.**

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"Alright," Jen said, smiling. "Our next guest is the super hot (cough) not (cough), Justin!"

As Justin walked in, screams from woman could be heard at every corner of the audience. Following him was a man with a bit of a stern face.

After he sat down, Jen sweetly said, "Hey Justin." She then took notice of the man that was following him. "Whose this?"

Justin did some strange hand signals, causing Jen to contain a dumbfounded look.

"... What?"

"I'm his translator," the man said.

"... But you can talk. What do you need to a translator for?"

More signals.

"Because I could afford one," the man translated.

"... Okay... You're not that hot in person, you know that?"

The gasps of woman could be heard from the audience at the statement that Jen had just said. Justin, with a slight, but still angry, sneer on his face began creating even more signals.

"And you look like a cow," the translator replied.

"What?!" Jen cried as laughter could be heard from the audience. "I'll have you know that I won runner-up in a beauty contest once!"

More signals.

"Where was the contest? In an MMORPG?"

"No!... Maybe..."

More signals.

"And what's with that horrible voice? What, your parents couldn't afford a Darth Vader voice?"

As a huge amount of laughter erupted in the audience, Jen sneered a face at the translater. "And you're letting him say all this to me?!"

"Hey, I don't care what happens as long as I get paid."

"Strange," she mumbled. "You remind me of Chris."

More signals.

"That reminds me. Are you related to Chef?"

As the people in the audience were practically dieing from laughter, Jen, a face as red as lava, pointed to the exit and shouted. "OUT!!" She was so angry, it was as if she would breath fire at any moment.

More signals.

"Fine, I didn't want to have an interview in this **BLEEP**-ing show anyway."

As the rude duo left, Jen had her mouth wide open at what Justin had just had his translator say. With her face back to its red state, she grumpily turned to the camera and shouted, "WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THESE MESSAGES!!"

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**Please review! Reviews make me happy...**


	5. Katie and Sadie

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.**

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The short break had ended, but Jen was still a bit flushed from her interview with Justin shortly earlier. "Alright," she sighed, trying to act like she was back to normal. "Our next guest is Katie."

An average applause came by as Katie walked, a bit uncertain, towards her chair.

"Hey Katie. What's up?"

"Where's Sadie?"

"Uh, Sadie is our tenth guest. You see, I'm doing this in chronological order so-"

"I need Sadie to be in this interview," Katie whined.

"Yeah, but, you see-"

"If I don't do this with her, I'll die."

"That wouldn't be much of a problem," Jen mumbled under her breath.

"What?"

"I said, no!"

"What?!"

After a few more moments of irritating whining from Katie, Jen's head was on her desk in frustration. She finally had it.

"Alright! You can have your stinking interview with Sadie! Just stop raping my ears!"

Just then, Sadie came walking down to the chair with Katie. As soon as she saw Katie, Sadie ran up to her happily and, when coming in contact, started hugging each other. Along with that, they shouted, "_**EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!**_"

"Like I said, STOP RAPING MY EARS!!"

"Ugh, like sorry," Katie said, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, like, take a chill pill," continued Sadie. "Who even cares about your ears?"

"Yeah, well I believe the station is gonna care about their ears," Jen said, pointing at the audience. About half were complaining, the other half were covering their ears, and a small portion actually had their eardrums broken.

"... Oops," Katie said.

"Sorry," Sadie finished, shrugging her shoulders while smiling.

"You know, I can easily sue you two lesbos."

"What?!" Sadie shouted in response.

"We are not lesbos!" Katie shouted off in response.

"Y'know, we can make your life miserable for saying that!"

"And I can sue you for raping the audience's ears. Your choice," Jen batted back, smiling evily.

"..."

"..."

"You know what, I'm not even gonna bother. Your interview is over."

"What?!" Katie began.

"But it just started!" Sadie finished.

"Yeah, I don't care."

The two grumbled off as Jen began making remarks about them under her breath.

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**I admit it, this one sucked.**


	6. Tyler

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own TDI.**

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After Katie and Sadie left, grumbling in somewhat disgust, Jen happily said, "Alright, for those of you who didn't leave because of that little shouting incident, our next guest is Tyler!"

A pretty small amount of applause came as he walked towards the chair. When he did, he was greeted by Jen with the throwing of a dogdeball. "Hey!!"

"Oh, too slow. You'll have to play again."

"Wha-" Before he could finish, Jen threw another dodgeball at him. "Hey, quit it!"

"Wow, you're relationship with Lindsay perfectly describes Beauty and the Beast. Well, except the beauty isn't really smart."

"Uh, can we just do this in a regular interview way- Oomph!" Jen threw another dodgeball. "Quit that!"

"Man, you really do suck at sports. I mean, all you have to do is duck down under your chair."

"Will you just stop it?!"

"Chickens!!" Jen screamed at the top of her lungs as she threw a bunch of rubber chickens at him. Of course, Tyler screamed and ran away as the rubber chickens came. Ultimately, he was gone from the studio completely.

As Jen was laughing maniacally, the slightly frightened cameraman said, nervously, "Where do you store all of these things?"

"My desk. Duh!"

After a momentary pause, the cameraman shook his head as Jen began screaming random things.

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**Short and not too funny. I think I'm losing my touch...**


	7. Izzy

**Thanks for all the support guys! I didn't think that this fic was too good, but the reviews have really lightened things up!**

**DISCLAIMER: Yeah, you get the picture. Now on with the chap!**

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"Alright," Jen chuckled after Tyler left, screaming in terror. "Our next guest is... Izzy!!"

While the audience clapped, lighting was aimed directly at the entrance where all the other guests have arrived in. After about two minutes of waiting, everyone was left in total confusion.

"Where is she?" Jen whispered to the cameraman.

"How should I know? Look, maybe the RCMP is chasing her and she can't make it."

"What?! But I was looking forward to comparing crazy exploits with her!"

A of a sudden, a faint buzzing noise could be heard, slowly getting louder as the time went by. Finally, it could be made out that the noise was a teenage girl screaming in excitement. The only question was, where was it coming from?

In a flash, Izzy's crazy, smiling body appeared through the glass window, wearing a parachute pack, but did not release until she went through the hole that Ezekiel had made earlier on, causing her to get caught hanging.

"Hi everyone! Izzy's in the house!"

As the waited applause came. Izzy jumped off and landed on her chair.

"Great," Jen mumbled. "How am I supposed to compete against that?"

"Whoo! That was so awesome!! It reminds me of the time when me and my cousin got stuck on top of that really big roller coaster and we were there for about an hour, so I jumped off and landed on the hot dog stand and my cousin ended up staying there until midnight!"

"So? I was stalking on this really hot guy at school once for about eight weeks, but when I got over him, I pushed him into the school's foya**(?sp?)**."

"Ha! You kidding? I did that about ten times, but I pushed them into a manhole."

"Oh yeah," Jen said, getting ready to make a sneer. "Well, I beat up my best friend when I found out that all she gave me for my birthday was one book! Beat that!"

"Oh, well that's kind of like that time when my Secret Santa gave me a poster book and I wanted a pony, so I hunted down my Secret Santa by blowing up everyone else's gifts until someone squealed and the principal suspended me for five weeks. Turns out, my Secret Santa was my teacher."

"Oh, well, um..." With an uncertain thought in mind, Jen turned to the audience and said, "Alright folks, who do you think is crazier? Me or her? Vote now!"

"Yeah, I have an appointment with my exploding golf ball supplier, so I'll come back later. Bye!" With a perky smile, Izzy threw some sort of object to the floor, which created instant smoke. As the smoke disappeared, Izzy was gone as well.

"... Man, when she comes back, I have got to get her to teach me how to do that!"

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**Well, what are you guys waiting for? Review and say who's crazier for Izzy's return!**


	8. Cody

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own a thing.**

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"Alright everyone," Jen said, smiling as she began doing strange, meaningless hand signals. "My next guest is the adorable, Cody!"

The techno geek walked towards the chair as the audience gave applause.

"Hi ya cutie," Jen said in a flirty tone.

"Um, you're not gonna say that I'm gay like you did with Noah, are you?"

"Nope. It'll foil the big plan," Jen calmly replied.

"Um, the plan?"

"Oh," she giggled. "That's none of your business. Alright, so, what was it like being on the show?"

"It was awesome, bra! I met a bunch of cool people and I bet I really impressed the ladies watching."

"It was awesome, huh?"

"Yup."

"Even though you screamed like a little girl on the first challenge?"

"Um, y'know, I bet nobody even heard that."

"And you were kissed by a guy on second."

"Hey, I thought you weren't going to bring that up!"

"Plus, you got farted on by Owen."

"In my defense, I was half asleep. How was I supposed to know that I was lying on Owen's butt!"

"And you got hit in the coconuts in the third."

"Hey, I was protecting Gwen!"

"You got hit with a door on the fourth."

"Okay, I think I deserved that one."

"And peed your pants on the fifth."

"Hey, Izzy looked pretty convincing and the second one was a real bear!"

"And became a trash monster on the sixth."

"..." By then, Cody's face was smudged with a frown and he didn't even bother countering Jen's attacks.

"Oh, and you hit a tree on the seventh, got mauled by a bear in the eighth, got a horrible sun burn at Playa De Losers, and on top of that, you got rejected by your dream girl on live television... Hey, where ya going?"

Leaving Jen with a confused look, Cody just walked out, leaving no noise to follow.

"... Wait, was the plan to insult him _then_ ask him out on a date, or was it the other way around?... Well, at least I got some laughs."

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**Wow, this one was quite speechy and not enough descibey... But hey, I had fun writing it!**

**For those of you who don't read this story's reviews, I got nominated for logicaltiger's TDI Fic Awards! Wish me luck when it comes around.**


	9. Courtney

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own TDI. TDI is not owned by I.**

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"Okay," Jen said happily, our next guest is the bossy CIT, Courtney!"

As applause came, Courtney angrily walked towards her chair. "You know," she said when sitting. "I don't appreciate being called bossy!"

"Who cares, this is my show and I get to say what I want to say," Jen grinned. "So, how's your relationship with Duncan going?"

"Um, why are you asking?" Courtney asked, her cheeks painted red.

"Oh, because your parents definitely wouldn't approve and they've probably found out by now."

"... Uh... This doesn't air in Canada, does it?"

"No, why do you ask?"

"Yeah, what if I say that I haven't told them yet and that they haven't watched the TDI at all?"

"What if I told you that after this episode, I'm having this show appear on every major TV channel in Canada?"

"What?!"

"Yup."

"Ugh!" I am going to make sure that my lawyers hear about this!" With that, she got up and stormed off.

"... Man, I can't believe she actually fell for that," Jen chuckled.

"Um, wasn't that a bit too severe for a joke?" The cameraman said.

"No, going severe is showing her baby pictures on live television."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"... Wait, was she serious about suing me?"

"Uh, I think so. I mean, she doesn't really seem like the type that would lie about stuff like that."

"... Well folks, it looks like we'll have a short break while I chase after Courtney. See'ya in a sec!" With that statement in promise, Jen ran towards the exit route Courtney took shouting, "Wait, Courtney, don't sue! I was just kidding!!"

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**Not one of my best and rather short, but hope you liked it!**


	10. Harold

**For those of you who were wondering, I didn't forget about Beth!... I just don't know what to do with her. I'll have her up later, but sorry for forgetting to say this last chapter.**

**... But seriously, I've got absolutely no material for Beth. Any ideas?**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.**

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The commercial break had ended and Jen jumped on to her chair, exhausted from chasing Courtney. "H-hi and welcome (gasp) back... Aw jeez, I need to exercise more. Yeah, so my next guest is Harold... Anyone got some cold water with them? The water here turned warm!"

Walking towards his chair, the scrawny red head was greeted with an average applause. Once he sat, however, he was disturbed by Jen's constant gasping.

"Uh, you okay?"

"Yeah... I just need some water... It's weird though. I always end up like this every time I run, but I don't have any asthma... Oh, cold water. Thanks."

After a giant gulp, Jen threw the bottle to the back. After the throwing, someone could be heard shouting, "Ow! Watch it!"

"Yeah, so, Harold, what was it like being in Playa De Losers when Duncan came."

"Are you kidding?! That guy was beating me up everyday! I mean, gosh, all I did was send his girlfriend home!"

"Well, how would you feel if someone voted Leshawna off in a manipulative way?"

"... Well... I'd be really mad..."

"See what I mean? Now, how would you feel if I said that Courtney and Duncan are waiting outside, ready to beat you up?"

"What?! You called them here to get me?!"

"No. All I said that you were next," Jen answered innocently.

"That's the same thing! Idiot!"

"Hey, don't you call me an idiot! I'll have you know that I got a scholarship to Yale!"

"In an MMORPG?"

"... You heard Justin's interview, didn't you?... Alright, I've got a way that you can get out of here without getting beaten up by Duncan and Courtney," Jen said, in a bored fashion.

"Really?! How?!" Then, Jen handed him, what looked like, a backpack. "What's this for?"

"Oh, that's a parachute pack. I'm gonna blast you off the chair like I did for Ezekiel!"

"What?!"

"Alright, so you also need to get the parachute that Izzy got stuck on off."

"Isn't there another way?!"

"Nope!" Happily, Jen got the red button ready. "Okay, you should be reaching Buffalo, New York in about... Five minutes! Ready?"

"NO!!"

"Fire!!" Jen bashed on the button and, with some screaming, Harold was shot towards the area Izzy's parachute was caught on to. He was able to get through and shot out of through the hole Ezekiel made earlier.

"... So, do you guys think that Duncan and Courtney are going to beat me up when they find out that I helped Harold get away?" Jen asked to the cameraman, curiously.

"Um, maybe... Did Courtney bring a lamp post?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"... I should put furniture in front of the door, shouldn't I?"

"Yea-"

"Every girl for herself!" In a weird way, Jen screamed like an Aztec native and, instead of the plan she said to the cameraman, went to the emergency exit.

"..." After an awkward silence, the cameraman took his cell and said, "Um, boss, Jen left. What should I do?... Take over?... Okay."

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**So how will the camera guy do? Find out tomorrow! Oh, don't worry, I'll be back.**

**BTW, please help me come up with ideas for Beth!**


	11. Beth

**Sorry it took so long for this chapter. I had to do a lot of Christmas shopping and I had a writer's block on top of that. Please enjoy!**

**Oh, if you forgot, I ran away from the studio so the cameraman is going to do this chapter... For a bit.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own TDI.**

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Timidly, the cameraman walked over to Jen's chair and said, "Um, due to... Unknown reasons, Miss Jen cannot do the show right now and I have to take over." Squinting his eyes to see the card which contained his lines, he said with not much feeling in his tone of voice, "Um, the next guest is Beth."

As the usual applause was heard, Beth walked towards her chair. As she sat down, a confused face was on her. "Um, where's Jen?"

"Um, she, er, stepped out for a bit."

"Oh," Beth calmly replied. "Well, wasn't I supposed to be interviewed earlier? I mean, didn't I get voted off after Cody?"

"Uh, yes, but... You're going to have to ask Jen about that."

"Yeah, but _where is she_?"

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MEANWHILE IN A McDonald's RESTAURANT...

"I said that I wanted a corn dog!!" Jen shouted angrily at the teenage cashier.

"Look lady," the poor boy said, squeezing his fists tight in annoyance. "For the 59th time, here, we sell burgers, fries, pies, cookies, wraps, soda, juice, smoothies, salad, and ice cream. WE DO NOT SELL ANY FREAKING CORN DOGS!! IF YOU WANT A CORN DOG, SCRAM AND RUN TO A RANDOM HOT DOG STAND IN THE STREETS!!"

"Oh, okay," Jen said calmly as if some stranger didn't just scream at the top of his lungs to her face. "No corn dog then. I'll get something else."

"What," the cashier said relieved and sighing.

"I'll have a london broil."

The teenage boy began to cry.

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"Um," the cameraman began, nervous that he was being filmed live. "So, uh..."

"Uh, you okay?" Beth said.

"Uh, yeah, just a bit nervous."

"You haven't done this before?"

"Uh, no. I'm the cameraman."

"So why are you taking over?"

"... I really don't know," he realized. "I just called in that Jen left and the boss just said that I would take over."

"Well, that's stupid," Beth replied, some spit coming out of her mouth when she said "stupid".

"Well, I suppose that I'll get a bonus for this."

"Yeah, I guess."

After a few more minutes of pointless rambling, the audience grew bored. Then, all of a sudden, some one screamed, "STOP!!"

Both Beth and the cameraman turned to look at where all the guests entered to see that the original host was back.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Jen cried. "You're supposed to be the interview-**er**, not the interview-**ee**!!"

"Uh, there's no such word," the cameraman replied, slightly scared at the fact that the freaky host was back.

"Do you think I freaking care?! Now move over noob!" With that, she forcibly shoved him off of her chair and reclaimed her position.

"Uh, where were you?" Beth said.

"I got hungry and the restaurant I went to had terrible service!!"

"Why am I only being interviewed now? I thought you said this was in chronological order."

"Yeah, well, I lied."

"What?"

"Yeah so, is it true that you're dating Cody?" Jen said sheepishly.

"Uh, no, why?" Beth questioned back as her cheeks turned a bit red.

"Oh nothing. Because you kissed him on the cheek before he left."

"Uh, actually, I was asking on **why **you're asking me this," Beth responded while drinking a cup of water.

"Oh, that's simple," Jen said smiling. "If you said yes, I would drag you into a closet, lock you in, and have Cody all to myself!"

Beth spit out her water. "What?!"

"... Oh, I wasn't supposed to say that out loud. My bad," Jen replied embarrassed. "But with that blushing you obviously do like him, so I'm going to have to make up a new tactic to have Cody all mine," she continued on cheerfully.

With that, Beth, in fright, ran away.

"... You scared off another one," the cameraman sighed. "What is that, the 22nd guest this month?"

"Cookies and cream."

"... What?"

"GET ME THEM NOW!!"

"Uh, y-yes ma'am!" Immediately, he ran backstage in fright to get Jen's unusual request.

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**Hope you liked it and happy holidays!!**


	12. Eva Take 2!

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own TDI.**

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Only a few seconds had passed since the interview with Beth in which Jen had requested, erm, cookies and cream. The cameraman was now back at the scene with her request.

Jen stared at him menacingly. "What is this?" She growled.

"Um, cookies and whipped cream? Didn't you want this?"

"I didn't want no freaking whipped cream!! I wanted sour cream!!"

"Sour cream on a cookie?!"

"Well," she sighed. "As long as this is around..." With that in mind, she grabbed the can of whipped cream and squirted the stuff right into her mouth. "Alright," she said as she finished devouring the can and neglecting the cookie. "My next guest is Tr-"

A sound of a thud was heard from the guest waiting room. The noise startled everyone and Jen had a scared face on herself.

"What was that?"

"Uh, I think that's Eva."

"Oh, that's not so scary. I was thinking it was lawyers!"

Just then, Eva ran into the room. As she did so, a few screams could be heard from the audience as the ferocious teen stomped towards Jen.

"Eva, Eva, Eva," Jen said calmly, shaking her head in the process. "I guess you've forgotten my tranquilizer gun." With that said, she reached under her desk and grabbed out the weapon, shooting about five at Eva... Which had no effect.

"Uh, Jen, it's not working," the cameraman said behind the curtains,

He was right, she just kept on getting closer.

"... Alright, time for Plan B," Jen said with a shifty look in her eyes. "... Run for your dear lives!" She screeched as she ran towards the exit again... Too bad Eva wasn't too far.

And... She finally caught up.

"Um, are you still ticked off about me calling you a man woman earlier... Thought so... Please spare me! It was just a joke!! Seriously, you just scared off the audience!"

Eva growled.

"... Oh what the hay," Jen said, bored. "How about I give you ten percent of my yearly earnings and we call it a draw."

"Half."

"Twenty percent."

"Half."

"Thirty."

"Half."

"Forty?"

"Half."

"Forty-five?"

"Half."

"Alright, half and that's final!! No more trying to convince me to give you... Half... Oh god I'm an idiot!" Jen said as she slapped herself.

"Deal," Eva said with a devious smile.

As Eva walked away and Jen, wearily, walked back towards her desk. "Well," she sighed. "The audience just ran away. Should I continue?"

"Well," the cameraman said. "People at home are still watching."

"Oh, alright. I'll continue then."

"They probably just wanted to see if Eva would kill you," he whispered evilly.

"Pardon?"

"Oh, nothing."

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**R and R please!**


	13. Trent

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own TDI.**

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After being chased around the, now practically deserted, studio, Jen happily got back to her chair, relieved that Eva had finally left. "Alright," she happily sighed. "My next guest for the evening is Trent! Please give a round of applause to the runner-ups's boyfriend!"

Trent entered and walked towards the guest chair, but, of course, there was no round of applause.

As he sat down, a confused look was drawn on him.

"Hey Trent!"

"Uh, hey there Jen. It's, um, cool to be here. Uh, where's the audience?"

"Didn't you hear? Eva tried to kill me and scared off the audience!" Jen replied in a happy-go-lucky matter.

"Uh, if that's so, why are you smiling?"

"I'm a freak, it's my built in nature."

-INSERT LAUGH TRACK HERE-

"What's with the laugh track?"

"Since the audience is gone, I needed something to fill in the void. Enough about the lack of an audience, let's talk about you."

"Alright."

"Alright, so have you gotten a record deal yet?" Jen said, with a bored smirk.

"Well, not a lot of people are interested on new artists right now. I've sent a demo to another record company yesterday. I'm still waiting for a reply."

"Yeah," Jen said yawning. "Next question... Who would you say is more accident prone, you or Cody?"

-INSERT LAUGH TRACK HERE-

"Well, I guess I would say... Wait a minute, who said I was accident prone?!"

"Oh, I don't know a duck," Jen started off sweetly. "The viewers man, the viewers!" She continued on more nasty. "I mean, have you seen any of the episodes after Cody got voted off?!"

"Um, why would I want to see the show again?"

"... I don't know... Look, I already got burned by Justin earlier today, so play along and pretend to be offended with no comebacks, okay?" Jen said, nothing to say after Trent's response.

-INSERT LAUGH TRACK HERE-

"What do you mean by that? Everyone will know that this is fake then."

"Shut up, this show thrives with suffering guests. I bet I can make Chris Maclean cry."

-INSERT LAUGH TRACK HERE-

"Alright, that laugh track thing is getting annoying," Trent groaned. "Can't you just turn it off?"

"Why should I?"

"Because none of the stuff it's laughing for is even funny."

-INSERT "OMG, DID YOU JUST SAY THAT?!" OOO-ING TRACK HERE-

"... So, uh, you going to insult me like hell like Justin did?" Jen said with a face that didn't seem too shocked or worried.

"Well, maybe. I don't have much against you though."

"Oh, alright then. Can I break your guitar?"

-INSERT LAUGH TRACK HERE-

"What?!" Trent replied to the random comment.

"You know, you're right. That laugh track is getting annoying. I'll turn it off." With that in mind, she turned towards the camera and shouted off, "Break the track! No one wants it!"

"Um, alright," the cameraman answered. "Would you like me to sell it or something?"

"NO, BURN IT!!"

"... On to a CD?"

"NO!! TO FLAMES!! WHAT AM I SPEAKING, CHINESE?!"

"Dude, you just insulted your own kind," Trent said confused.

"So? A lot of people use that expression. Even my math teacher did and I was in the room." She then took a deep drink from her water bottle and spat it out. "What is this?!"

"Uh, water," the cameraman answered, knowing that something scary was about to happen.

"I don't want no freaking water!! Where is the beer?!"

"Uh, I thought you were against drugs," he answered, scared.

"Who said I was drinking it?! Now fetch me beer NOW!!"

"Y-yes ma'am," he answered. Like he did with the cookies and cream request, he dashed off to the craft service area before the creepy girl exploded.

"Now," she sighed as she turned back to Trent. "So, answer my ques... Tion?"

Trent had left the building.

"... Oh, I guess I scared him off... NEXT!!"

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**This wasn't one of my best chapters, I know. I just felt kind of crazy today, so that reflected towards this chapter. Until next time!**


	14. Bridgette

**Oh, in the last chapter, I described beer as drugs. Now that was an accident. I wasn't thinking straight.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own TDI or "25 Ways to Annoy Your Favorite TDI Characters" (owned by Theater For the Mind).**

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"NEXT!!" Jen shouted off to the distance... Or at least the entrance in which all of the guests went through.

Next came everyones favorite surfer girl, Bridgette. She politely waved towards Jen while smiling (unlike everyone else who just gave bored or scared looks). She quietly took her seat.

At that very moment, the cameraman came running back with a huge bottle of beer, panting in total exhaustion. "H-here's your order ma'am," he wheezed.

After his words, Jen stared at him with a blank face. "Rob, how many times do I have to tell you that I DON'T FREAKING SUPPORT ALCOHOL?!"

"B-but you wanted some, didn't you?... I'll go behind the camera before something bad happens." And he did just that. By now, Bridgette began to have a slightly nervous look on her face.

Jen then innocently turned towards her next guest (cough) victim (cough). "Hey there Bridgette," Jen said sweetly. "What's up? What you been doing lately?"

"Oh, you know, surfing," Bridgette answered regularly with her smile back on her face.

"Yeah, well, anyways," Jen began again. She went through about half a minute with a blank mind and nothing to say, so she grabbed out the book, "25 Ways to Annoy Your Favorite TDI Characters" from her desk. "Hmm, let's see, chapter 16... Oh, I've got something now!"

"Uh, what are you doing?" Bridgette asked.

"Hey Bridge," Jen said, hiding her book from notice. "You hungry?"

"Um, yeah, kind of. Why?"

"I've got you a snack!" From her desk, she grabbed out a gigantic platter of sushi.

"What?!" Bridgette shouted off. "Why would I eat sushi?! I swim with fish!"

_When did she get that sushi platter? _The cameraman thought to himself.

"Um, my bad," Jen slyly giggled. "Um, hold on a sec," she said as she reached for her book again. "Hmm, numbers 39 and 40 sound good." She then put it away again. "Is the sky really blue?" Jen asked sweetly.

"Um, yes."

"LIAR!!" Jen screamed at the top of her lungs. "Is your name really Bridgette?"

"Yes," Bridgette said, apparently getting annoyed by the second.

"LIAR!!"

"Uh, can we move on?" The annoyed surfer groaned.

"Okay!" Jen answered happily. With that, she cleared up her throat and sang, "Ding dong dang dun!"

It took only about half a minute for Bridgette to run away from the studio.

"Oh, that was fun," Jen said, laughing. "The person who wrote this book is a pure genius!... NEXT!!"

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**Wow, this is short. My creative juices haven't actually clicked in this new year yet... But hey, I had a lot of fun writing this chapter!**

**But seriously, "25 Ways to Annoy Your Favorite TDI Characters" is a very funny fic. Check it out when you have the time!**

**Until next time!**


	15. Lindsay

**Hola! (dodges plate of meatballs thrown at her) Sorry for my lack of updates for the month. Like I said last chapter, my creative juices didn't actually click in quite early enough for the new year. Along with that, everyone knows that January is mid-term month. Since I'm hanging on to science by a thread, I had to put everything on a temporary hiatus. I promise I'll try to get everything back in order to the way it was again.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own TDI.**

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Jen sat patiently on her chair awaiting her next guest. After much time had passed (3 and a half minutes), she groaned and walked over to the passage leading to the guest waiting room. If you were in the audience, which was still absent, you could hear her screaming, "LINDSAY, GET OUT HERE NOOOOOOOW!!"

She walked back out with a grumpy look, but as soon as she sat back down, she was back to her perky, fake self. "My next guest is Lindsay! Yay!"

The dumb blond herself came walking out, with her normal smiling self. "Hi Ren!" Lindsay said as she took a seat.

"Uh, it's _Jen_. With a 'j'."

"Oh, my bad. So, where's Regis?"

"... Lindsay," Jen said looking blankly at her, unimpressed. "This is 'The Jen the Cat Late Night Talk Show not REGIS AND KELLY!!" She answered, making herself sound more angry as she went on with the sentence.

"Oh, sorry Glen," she said innocently.

"It's _Jen_!!"

"So," she began as she ignored Jen's anger. "What do you want to know?"

"Have you remembered your own boyfriend's name for once?"

"You mean Taylor? Yah, I think I've finally got it down!"

"... It's Tyler."

"Huh? I thought your name was Len," Lindsay said, still unaware of what's going on at the moment.

"FOR THE LAST FRIGGING TIME, IT'S **JEN**!!" The angry host shouted, practically screaming at Lindsay.

"Huh? Wait, I'm confused."

"That's a shocker," Jen mumbled under her breath.

"Didn't you say your name was Tyler just now?"

"No," Jen answered, banging her head on the desk. "I said that "Taylor's" name is Tyler! And will you please remember my name?! It's just three stinking letters! How hard is it to memorize THREE LETTERS?!"

"Sorry, I mean, take a chill Gwen."

"THAT'S FOUR LETTERS! IT'S JEN!! Gwen is the goth runner up of the show and the one on TDI. Jen is my name. Tyler is the name of your boyfriend. Taylor is the name you think is the name of your boyfriend. Got it?" Jen explained, losing her last ounce of sanity and patience.

"Wait, then who are Len, Glen, and Ren?"

After a long stretch of a groan, Jen practically smashed her head on to the desk rapidly. "It's. Like. Talking. To. Cardboard," she said in between head smashes.

"Hey, do you like my new nail polish Gem?"

Her face blank and probably after a loss of 25 percent of her IQ points, Jen just stared at Lindsay. It didn't look like she had an emotion at the second, but she was burning angry in the inside. "Get. Out."

"Oh, my interview's over? Thanks Oprah! Bye!" With that, she waved as she left the room.

After smashing her head on to the desk again, but this time just leaving it sit there, Jen mumbled in a barely audible voice, "It's Jen..."

The cameraman thinking that it was a good time to throw water at Jen so she would be back to her crazy and hyperactive self called commercial.

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**It was fun writing this one!**

**: )**


	16. DJ

**DISCLAIMER: Alright, we get it. I own nothing. Since no one else seems to do these anymore, this is the last time this will be here. Please say "Happy Retirement" to the Disclaimer sign before leaving the page! : )**

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The commercial break ended. Jen was now back to her so-perky-it's-not-real self. She was sitting attentively at her seat as she shouted off, "Welcome back people! My next guest is the resident chicken, DJ!!"

Jen then grabbed out a remote from under her desk, pressed on a button and created a fake applause just as DJ walked out. Once he sat, Jen could tell that he was not ammused with the whole "resident chicken" bit.

"... What? You are afraid of most things!... Oh, hold on a sec!" After that comment, she interrupted her thoughts in order to pull out a convenient list she made after she got back to her normal self during the break. "Hm," she mumbled to herself. "Maybe I should tell him what really happened to Bunny..."

"What?"

"Oh nothing!" Jen replied with a toothy smile as she quickly pulled away her list of possible tortures to the big teddy bear. "So, DJ," she began. "Have you watched TDI since you got off the island?"

"Heck no! No way am I reliving some of those moments!"

"Oh," she chuckled. "Good. That means you don't know about Bunny."

"What do you mean?"

"Hee, nothing," she answered, giving off a fake tone. "So, wanna meet Su and Tsu?"

"Who?" DJ replied with a dumbfounded look.

"Oh, two Asian boas from this big circus that pulled into town that I'm going to introduce to the viewers!"

"Snakes?!"

"Bring 'em out Bob!"

Directly on cue, a delivery person dragged in two tanks containing the two boa constrictors laying on the glass. They seemed to stretch out as long as a whole hotel room. The one known as Bob rapidly ran away as soon as the two snakes hissed out an angry tone.

By now, DJ buried himself in the chair. "You're not gonna let them out, are you?"

"Nope!"

"Oh good!" DJ said, wiping his brow as he got himself up from his chair.

"Just kidding!" Out of nowhere, Jen grabbed out two rocks and threw the latter at the glass tanks, shattering the tanks open.

"SNAKES!!" DJ shouted off as he jumped on top of Jen's desk in total fear.

"Ladies and gents, introducing Su and Tsu! They're two incredible boa constrictors in the new Lo Mien Circus, now touring the country!" Jen happily shouted in spite of the fact that the big teddy bear was on her desk, covering her from camera view. "Now get off, you're blocking my camera view!" She shouted off angrily as she pushed him off, causing him to land on the floor... Okay never mind about the whole "not minding" part.

Unfortunately for him, he landed right where the circus animals were slithering their flexible selves towards.

As they grew closer, he backed away, but was soon stopped by the desk which was keeping Jen protected from harm's way.

Rolling her eyes in a "_SUCK IT UP!!_"tone she grabbed out another remote and, oddly enough, music started playing. The snakes stopped in their tracks followed by strange movements that seemed like dancing and DJ was hopelessly confused at what was going on.

**A/N: First ten people who tell me what song this is and who sings it and what country they're from gets virtual milk! (Suckish prize, I know. But what else am I supposed to give to people on the Internet whom I probably will never meet in real life?)**

_Vi undrarar ni redo alt vara med  
Armarna upp nu ska ni fa se  
Komigen  
Vem som helst kan vara med  
So ror pa era fotter  
O-a-a-a!  
Och vicka era hofter  
O-la-la-la!  
Gor som vi  
Till denna melodi_

_Oh-ahh-ahh-ahh!  
Dansa med oss  
Klappa era hander  
Gor som vi gor  
Ta na gra steg at vanster  
Lyssna och lar  
Missa inte chansen  
Nu ar vihar med  
Caramell Dansen!_

_O-o-oa-oa  
O-o-oa-oa  
O-o-oa-oa  
O-o-oa-oa_

_Det blir en sensation o ver allt forstas  
Pa fester kommer alla att slappa loss  
Kom igen  
Nu tar vi stegen omigen_

_Sa ror pa era fotter  
O-a-a-a  
Och vicka era hofter  
O-la-la-la  
Gor som vi  
Till denna melodi_

_Sa kom och  
Dansa medoss  
Klappa era hander  
Gor so vi gor  
Ta negra steg at vanster  
Lyssna och lar  
Miss inte chansen  
Nu ar vi har med Caramell Dansen!  
O-o-oa-oa_

_Dansa medoss  
Klappa era hander  
Gor so vi gor  
Ta negra steg at vanster  
Lyssna och lar  
Miss inte chansen  
Nu ar vi har med Caramell Dansen!_

_Dansa medoss  
Klappa era hander  
Gor so vi gor  
Ta negra steg at vanster  
Lyssna och lar  
Miss inte chansen  
Nu ar vi har med Caramell Dansen!_

DJ still confused, managed to get himself up.

"What?" Jen said. "I did say they were from the circus, didn't I? ENCORE!!" The music started up again and this time, Jen joined ijn on the dancing fun!

After half of the next set, DJ just shook his head and left the room, thus leaving from this nonsense.

As soon as the music stopped, Jen, Su, and Tsu took their bows at the non-existent audience.

"... Hey, where'd DJ go?"

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**Sorry for the radomness! I'm no good with DJ, so I couldn't help putting in something random!**


	17. Escope

**PREVIOUS CHAPTER: If you guessed Caramelldansen by Caramel in Swedish, go grab your milk!... Well, your virtual milk that is... On with the chappy!**

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"Okay peoples," Jen said gleefully. "It's time for the return of..." As she made a huge dramatic pause, the lighting motioned towards the area right next to the broken glass ceiling from Izzy's chapter. "IZZY!!"

...

...

...

...

...

"... I said Izzy!! Dammit Izzy," Jen groaned as she looked up to the area in which the light was pointing towards. "COME WHEN YOU'RE TOLD TO COME WHY DON'T YOU?!"

"Uh, I'm right over here." Turning, around, Jen took glimpse at the gleeful red head, waving constantly at the sadistic host.

"... Oh, hey... How long have you been standing there?"

"Since the shiny light thing pointed at the ceiling."

"... Oh, sorry. Was kinda expecting a more flashy entrance," Jen blushed in slight embarrassment.

Completely ignoring Jen, Izzy began shouting, waving, and blowing kisses at the stands as if the audience were still there and cheering immensely for her.

"... Uh, okay Izzy, just get to your chair," Jen said, slightly creeped out by what the psycho hose beast was doing. "... Izzy?"

Instead of doing what she was told, Izzy just began whistling as if she didn't even hear.

"... Oh, right," Jen laughed. "E-scope, come over here!"

In a matter of seconds, Izzy leaped toward her chair. As soon as she sat down, she got to a four-legged animal's stance and started acting a bit like a dog.

"Alright," Jen said calmy as if a weirdo wasn't in her studio acting like a dog. "In response to the request I had the first time Izzy-"

"Ahem!"

"E-scope was here," Jen continued in an annoyed correction. "Here are the votes to the live audience poll of "Who's Crazier?" She grabbed out a box the shape of a giant Oreo cookie from the drawer in her desk (god knows how all that crap can fit in there) and happily shouted, "STARTING WITH MY VOTES FROM MY ADORING FANS!!"

As she reached in, Izzy, erm, E-scope said, "Y'know I have a talk show too. The other day, me and a couple of the guys got Cody and Noah to kiss each other. It was so funny!" She continued to ramble on about her own show despite the fact that Jen was looking frantic... Apparently, she couldn't reach in to anything.

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon," she mumbled. After much effort, she was able to grab her votes... I mean _vote_.

With a blank face, Jen stared into the box while Izzy continued rambling.

"One. Vote?" She said silently. "... I GOT JUST ONE STINKING VOTE?!" Suddenly, that whisper evolved into a roar.

Within a matter of seconds, Jen went totally ballistic and went on a wild rampage all around the studio.

"Kewl!" E-scope shouted as Jen began stomping on some poor dude at the crafts service table. "I wanna reek havoc too!"

So within a matter of seconds, two crazy girls began tearing the place apart, the cameraman staring in total agape. "Uh, um, ladies..."

Looking to see what the commotion was, Leshawna, Geoff, Gwen, Duncan, Heather, and Owen stepped out of the waiting room... Just to be confronted by the scary sight of E-scope helping Jen dismantle the stands that the audience would've sat in and the cameraman, in total fright, slowly backing away... They backed away as well until they were back in the sane comforts of the waiting room.

After about five minutes, the studio was practically in ruins. The only things that lay untainted from the destruction was, surprisingly, the guest chair, Jen's desk and chair, and the camera along with the one who was still taping every moment on LIVE feed.

As he pointed the camera towards the tattered stage, his face remained emotionless at what was going on at that very moment.

...

...

...

It was quiet... Too quiet...

All of a sudden, E-scope and Jen popped right in front of the camera and grinned evily at the lens. Jen was holding a wrench and E-scope was holding a wire cutter.

"Uh, girls, what are you doing?... Uh, stay back! I'm begging you!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!-"

-BZZT-

PLEASE STAND BY : )


	18. Geoff

**Alright, since there's a new fic I really want to start up, I'm gonna be updating this rapid fire so I can quickly get it over with. Too-da-loo!**

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About three minutes of the "Please Stand By" screen passed by when, at last, the camera was actually in proper motion, pointing at the ground.

"Is it on?" The voice of Jen asked in a bored tone.

"Yeah, I think," a more giggly and upbeat tone answered.

"Alright then. Just don't break it." After finishing off the statement, the camera pointed back up towards Jen, the whole stage still intact after the rampage last chapter. "Welcome back peoples!" Jen cried, back to her fake, hyper self. " Sorry 'bout earlier. Whew, that was so awesome!

"So anyways, here's my next guest, the party boy dumb blond himself, no offense, Geoff!!"

On cue, Geoff walked over to the stage in the happy look he always seemed to have. As soon as he sat down, his smile disappeared as he glanced around the tattered studio. "What happened in here dude?"

"What do you mean," Jen answered with a nervous giggle.

"Oh, nothing, he's just talking about the destroyed stands, the empty backstage, the fact that only the stage is still standing, the lack of a ceiling, the guy twitching in the corner, the-"

"Alright Izzy, we get it!" Jen snapped back with an angry sneer.

Unfortunately, Izzy just stood there whistling as if she weren't there as she tilted the camera a bit.

"... E-scope," Jen grumbled in annoyance.

"E-scope following orders sir!" She shouted in response as she saluted Jen off screen and got the camera screen straight again.

"Why is Izzy-"

"Ahem!"

"E-scope the camera person?" Geoff asked, not annoyed that Izzy forced him to correct himself.

"Oh, that's simple," Jen began in a somewhat bored tone. "The old camera dude ran away after I began to beat the ground with a wrench and E-scope started to chase him with wire cutters."

"Oh, alright then," Geoff answered, shrugging it off.

"So Geoff, can I call you Geoff?"

"Well, that's my name so, go for it dude."

"Alright then. What do you think about the things you've said to Bridgette before you two hooked up?"

"Uh, like what?"

After coughing for a slight second in order to clear her throat, in a bit of a goofy tone that was supposed to imitate Geoff, she said, "_Wow, you pitch a tent like a guy!_"

"Well, I wasn't thinking straigh-"

"_You look like my friend's hot mom!_"

"She didn't seem to mind that one." (Actually Geoff, she did.)

"_You remind me of this really_ _hot model I found on the Internet!_"

"When did I say that?"

"_You're the third hottest girl on the island!_"

"Oh, oh, I got one, I got one!!" E-scope squealed. "_You're really pretty when you're not!_"

The comment didn't make any sense to Jen, but she just kept on coming up with new ones which, after a while, didn't really effect the party boy.

"Uh, yah, so, you wanna go to a party after this?"

"... Will there be booze?"

"Yah!!"

"Alright then! I'm gonna go to Canada after this is over!"

All of a sudden, Izzy began shaking the camera wildly with a huge grin on her face and a hyperactive and cracked mind in tact.

"Uh Iz-"

"Ahem!"

"E-scope," Jen sighed, getting really annoyed of the constant corrections. "Stop that, you're gonna break the camera."

"But it's so fun, and the swirly colors that are showing on the screen are so pretty!" Although it didn't show on screen, the losing of balance in her grip could be heard by her exclamations. "Wh-wh-whoa!!"

As the camera fell flat on the floor, the last noise that it picked up was Jen shouting off, "Oh cra-"

-BZZZZZT-

Beeeeeeeep..........

"Please stand by!" : )

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**Yes, I understand that there seemed to be absolutely no Geoff in this chap, but, like DJ, I'm no good with him. -.-;**

**Hope you found it slightly enjoyable though!**

**Bashes accepted! XD**


	19. Leshawna

**Remember what I said about updating this rapid fire? Yeah, that ain't working out. I'm just as slow as I usually am. 0.0 I'll try to finish this up soon 'cause I really want to start up that fic!**

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Like it had last chapter, the image of a buzzing screen appeared, slowly followed by a clear image of the perfectly neat stage.

"My god Izzy," Jen groaned.

"E-Scope!!"

"E-Scope," she groaned in response. "Can't you take this serious at all?!"

"You're not paying me, so you're getting what you paid for," she answered with a sly smile glued on to her face.

"... That doesn't even make sense!"

"I know. : ) "

"..."

"So whens lunch break? Are we eating paste? Grubs? Live fish?" Izzy asked with a more hopeful glimmer in her eyes as she went on with the undesirable list of food.

_... Aw, jeez, no wonder I lost that contest. I'm just a a one tenth killer sadist and she's a total psychopath! _She thought, her mouth open as Izzy went on.

"SHUT UP!!" She finally got the courage to say. "The camera's on and running for corn's sake!"

"Oh, whoops," Izzy giggled. "Forgot."

"Anyways," Jen recited after clearing up her throat. "Our next guest, a contestant and fan favorite alike, Leshawna!"

As Leshawna walked out, an odd flood of applause erupted in the air. I'm not saying that she sucked or anything. It's just because that the audience was still empty from Eva's rampage earlier (none of them probably want to come back to this show anyways. In fact, if any audience member made it through any of Jen's shows, they get a refund).

"The heck?" Jen said right before she turned around in time to see Izzy messing around with the audience remote she had discarded earlier that night.

"This is so cool!" She shouted. "What does this button do?"

"Wait, E-Scope, put that down!" Jen scolded. "Bad girl!" She scolded again, as if Izzy were an untamed puppy.

In a matter of seconds, Izzy began randomly pressing all of the buttons, each time, an even more stranger noise came through.

_BLEEP!_

_BARK!_

_BOOM!_

_GROWL!_

_DATTEBAYO!_

_MOO!_

"Izzy, put that down!"

She stopped, but was whistling as if she wasn't even there.

"... E-Scope," the irritated sadist gristled under her teeth.

"Roger that cap-i-ton!!"

"... Yeah," she sighed as she moved her focus on to Leshawna. "Sorry 'bout that."

"Um, it's cool," Leshawna answered nervously. She had a fake smile on her face attempting to look calm despite the fact that she was in a room (sort of) containing two complete psychopaths in it.

"Alright, so, is Harold still thinking that you two are going out?"

"Heck yeah!" The ghetto girl responded. "That white boy can't get through hid thick head that I'm not interested."

"Would you still consider you guys friends?"

"Sorta," she shrugged.

"Do you still hate Heather?"

"Have you seen the show?"

"I'll take that as a yes," Jen smiled in that fake smile that has not been seen in quite a while.

"Uh, sure," Leshawna rolled her eyes.

"So, have you heard those insults Heather launched at you on Youtube?"

"Say what now?" Leshawna asked, a tad bit confused.

"Yeah, there was this Youtube video and she was saying a bunch of real nasty things about you. It got over 5,000,000 hits!"

"WHAT?!"

"Ya wanna listen to it?" Jen asked in a cheerful tone, pulling out a remote from under her desk that always seems to hold everything she needs in it. "Hee, hee, we kinda broke the TV screen, so you're just kinda hafta listen to it," she said as she pressed the giant red button on the peculiar instrument.

In a matter of moments, the voice of Heather could be heard in the air, trash-talking Leshawna (and Gwen and Beth to be exact, but mostly Leshawna). As the video recording got further in, the eyes in her eyes grew angrier and angrier. As the video recording finally came to a final stop, she snapped.

"Alright that is it!" She shouted as she slammed on the desk.

"Hey! Don't break it! It's one of the last pieces of furniture that's still in one piece!" Jen shouted in reply to the action.

"I've had it with that girl," Leshawna said, completely ignoring Jen, as she walked back into the Guests' Waiting Room.

...

"Hey Leshawna," a snooty voice greeted in a not-so-friendly attitude. "What, wimpy host made fun of you?... Hey, what are you- Ow! That hurt! Why you little..."

The following moment, noises of a struggle could be heard from the usually calm and peaceful room. Throughout the commotion, Jen's mouth was wide open in a way that could practically fit a television set, Izzy was messing around in her hair, barely even noticing that anything was going on, and the dude whimpering in the corner began to slowly crawl out of the studio ruins.

"... Wait a seccy," Izzy said, finally returning to reality. "Wasn't the video you were talking about that got more than 5,000,000 hits that "Hamster on a Piano Eating Popcorn" thing?"

"... They never find out, alright?"

"Aye aye cap-i-ton!" Izzy saluted.

"... What are you doing just standing there?" Jen asked, noticing that Izzy was still taping. "Cut to commercials already, da-"

She was cut off just as she was starting to make the sound of an 'm'.

-BZZZZT-

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**Wow, and I thought it was gonna be hard doing Leshawna. Well, in other news, next chapter is gonna have a slight, but not too much, surprise! Look forward to it!**


	20. Mr Coconut

**Alright, if you think I'm not crazy, you'll change your mind by the end of this chapter.**

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After a brief moment of screen buzzing, the camera was finally in motion again. Rather than showing the whole stage like the camera had for previous times, the camera view was in front of Jen's face. Apparently, she had on her fake smile.

"Welcome back!" She cried gleefully. "Our next guest is the one, the only, MR. COCONUT!!"

The camera zoomed out revealing that the inanimate object was placed promptly on the chair in which a guest was supposed to sit at. Izzy gave off wild applause to hide the fact that no one was there.

"Woo, yeah! MC rules! How coconuttastic! E-Scope loves you!!"

"Alright Iz- E-scope," Jen said, correcting herself before the psycho could. "We get it."

She turned to Mr. Coconut. "So, how's it been since the show?"

...

"Nothing much?... Um, okay... How was it like being on the show?"

...

"... Um, right," Jen laughed nervously. "So, you seeing anybody special or anything?"

...

"Any friends?"

...

"... Do you have anything to actually say?" Jen asked getting more impatient by the milliseconds.

...

"My god, can you at least say yes or no?!"

...

"Say something why don't you?!" Jen shouted in complete anger at the rude fruit.

...

Suddenly, Jen got off her seat and on to her desk. With that, she was at the right distance to strangle the thick fruit. "SAY SOMETHING!!" She growled as she began shaking Mr. Coconut in an extremely violent matter.

"Kewl!" Izzy gaped. "This is just like that Jan and Kefka's School of Evil video with that random Pokemon trainer!"

"Not the right time E-Scope!" Jen shouted, actually remembering to call her by her "new" name instead.

"What the heck is going on in here?" A new voice chimed in. Walking into camera view was everyone's favorite be-ach, Heather, who came in to see what the ruckus was about.

"Mr. Coconut won't answer any of Jen's questions, so she's forcing him to speak," Izzy answered gleefully since Jen wasn't even paying attention to anything else.

"... She does know that that's just a fruit, right?" Heather answered with an unimpressed smirk. "I mean, how crazy can you get?"

"POPSICLE STICKS SPEAK TO ME AT NIGHT!!" The crazy host shouted off into the air randomly while still gripping on tightly to her poor unfortunate guest.

"... Wow, just... Wow."

"Hey, what's going on out here?" Another voice asked. Coming into camera view was the mass of gas himself, Owen.

"The crazy host has gone even crazier," Heather groaned as she strutted back into the waiting room.

Suddenly, Jen started to get weak and began huffing and puffing until she let go of the fruit completely. "You put up a good fight Mr. Coconut." After that false statement, the sadist-ette passed out.

At the sight of the fruit, Owen's eyes began to glimmer in delight. "Mr. Coconut, is that you?!"

After a much disturbing reunion scene that I'm just too lazy to describe, Owen ran back to the waiting room.

"Alright then!" Jen shouted as she suddenly came out of her trance. "Wasn't that exciting? Wasn't that the gnarliest fight you've ever seen?!"

"Wasn't that like that Jan and Kefka School of Evil video?!" Izzy mocked excitedly.

"Oh, yeah," Jen smiled. "I'm a Pokemon trainer!"

...

...

...

"... Wait, why was I interviewing a coconut again?"


	21. Duncan

**I haven't really updated any of my fics a lot lately... Well, I'm near the end to this one, so I'll try to finish it before Spring Break ends.**

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After returning to her seat, the female sadist grabbed out a list, apparently since she forgot the order of who got voted off, and, after about two minutes, happily called out Duncan's name.

He entered the room with a bored face. As soon as he sat down in a slouched and laid back manner, Jen spatted out the one question that had been haunting her for quite some time now. "Is that two eyebrows or one?"

"W-what?"

"Your uni brow, duh! I swear, I have seen that thing move apart once!" Before Duncan had a chance to give a snarky reply, Jen kept on blathering about the mystery of the uni brow. "I mean, it moved practically every time you kissed Courtney! I mean, how can a uni brow move apart! That is biologically impossible, isn't it?!"

"Will you shut up?" Duncan grumbled.

"Oh, okay. Thanks for the answer BTW," Jen replied unfazed.

Any viewer could read Duncan's expression into saying, "What answer?" Since she was insane, it was probably best not to say anything.

"Alright, next question!" Jen exclaimed while Izzy randomly began shaking the camera to strange angles. "Don't you ever get tired of Courtney?"

"Uh, no," Duncan scoffed. "Why should I? She's hot."

"Oh come on," Jen said as she rolled her eyes. "Don't you ever get tired of Miss CIT?"

"Well, I-"

"I mean come on. 'CIT this'. 'CIT that.' 'Cit this.' 'Cit that'," Jen droned on and on as she rolled her eyes and made the quacking duck thing with her hands.

"Well-" Duncan began as she came to a pause only to be cut off again.

"'CIT this.' 'CIT that.' CIT this.' 'CIT that.' 'CIT thi-"

"Will you just shut up?!"

"Fine, be that way! I'm afraid I'm going to have to send the raccoon army after you."

"Raccoon army?" Duncan laughed. "What's that, a room full of stuffed animals made for little girls like you?" He mocked.

Just then, strange, robotic noises erupted, getting louder and louder each second. Duncan's eyes grew incredibly wide as the Transformer like raccoons from the show made the scene.

"... Oh crap," he said right before he made a mad dash out of the (somewhat) room.

As the raccoon army went chasing after the delinquent, Jen sat down pondering about the following interview to Izzy. "Hey E-scope," she began. "Was that a little too fast?"

"I don't know," she replied as she began tossing the camera into the air. "I think you should have made fun of his hair."

"Hm, good idea."

"And his taste in girls."

"Okay."

"And his funny piercings."

"Got it."

"And his big mess ups."

"Alright, we get it already."

Suddenly, before Izzy could continue listing Duncan's flaws, the raccoon army emerged back into the studio, still chasing Duncan.

"You guys still haven't got him yet?" Jen scoffed with laughter. "Come on, at least throw some of yourself so you can give him rabies or something."

"You think this is funny?!" Duncan cried while trying to find a condensed place to hide.

"Well duh! It's hilarious!" Izzy answered on cue. "Everyone loves poor suckers getting squashed by giant suckers!"

"WHAT?!"

"Hey, don't run over the bleachers! Do you know how much those cost?!" Jen scolded at the raccoon army. "Hey! You don't just smash perfectly good food! Hey, step away from the equipment! What, you think tech like this grows on trees?!"

"Hey cute little raccoons!" Izzy cried. "Over here!"

"WHAT?! Don't call them over here, they still need to squash Duncan!"

"Hey look, it got tangled with the wires!" Izzy cried excitedly as Duncan ran away like heck from the studio.

"What?! Oh great, they're gonna destroy the equipment! Get them out of there!"

"And what if I say no?"

"Then I'm gonna do things you wish I wouln't dare to do you little-"

-_BZZZZZT_-

_I am sorry, we have lost connection. Please stand by._

_BEEEEEEEEEEP_

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**I am positive that this sucked. Ah well, review or flame, I don't really care.**


	22. Heather

***opens up umbrella to deflect incoming food* Alright, I'm finally back! Don't shoot! *just barely misses incoming bullet* ... So much for that... Anyways, I'm sorry for being a lazy-a and neglecting EVERY ONE OF MY FICS. If you would do so kindly, do NOT kill me.**

**I just have the urge to ask this... Do I even have an audience any more?**

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Slowly, the buzzing of the screen came to a halt. The screen was, yet again, back in vision. If you were watching, the first sound that would've greeted you would've been the predictable arguing of Jen and Izzy, er, E-scope.

"I'm telling you," Izzy began. "We should blow up the whole studio!"

"Oh will you can it?! Another word coming out of you and I'll blow your head off!"

"Oh, I'm so scared," Izzy mocked while waving her hands and rolling her eyes. "Next, Jen's probably going to call the RCMP on me."

Stare.

"... Um, you aren't actually gonna do that, are you?"

Stare.

"... Right, I'm gonna zip it then. Okay.

_... Was it really that easy to shut her up?_

"Alrighty," Jen sighed, as the author just realized how terrible she is at beginning chapters. "Here is the part we've all been dreading...or hoping for. I'm not sure what you people think." In a bored and mom-motivated fashion, she waved her arm over to the entrance way that the guests took. "Give it up for Heather... Can someone get me some soda?"

And as said, Heather strutted out of the entrance way. Of course, the expression on her face indicated that she was expecting at least an applause track.

"Hey, what gives?!" Heather shouted right before taking a seat.

"Huh?" At that moment, Jen was bending the straw to her soda. "Oh, right." Pulling out her sound effect remote from her bottomless-desk-of-doom, the first action she chose from the remote was the boo-ing track.

"HEY!!"

"Whoops, my hand slipped."

"Hey, I was pretty much the only one who was really capable of winning that stupid competition anyway! I mean, have these people seen these shows before?!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Jen sighed, quickly followed by a deep yawn. "Tell it to the judge."

"Hey, aren't you supposed to interview me? Aren't you supposed to treat guests properly?!"

"You should have asked that when I signed up to make a talk show."

"Oh shut up. Now are you going to interview me or what?"

"Are you fast enough to dodge a rubber chicken?!"

"Wha-"

_SMACK!!_

"What the heck?!"

"Sorry," she giggled in delight. "I didn't expect Tyler to give up so easily, so I've got a bunch of extras. I just hate to waste perfectly good recyclable props like these. Think fast!"

_SMACK!!_

"Hey!"

_SMACK!!_

"Watch it!"

_SMACK!!_

"Will you quit-"

"Rubber chicken storm!"

"WHAT?!"

Grabbing out a huge pile of rubber chickens, Jen began a maniacal laughter as she began throwing the props at a non-stop, random pace. It was almost exactly like how it was back when Tyler went through his so-called interview.

"Ugh, quit it!" Heather screamed as soon as she found time to do so. "I am going to sue everything you've got!"

Sudden stop.

"Um, are you serious?"

Glare.

"Gotcha... Seeing as how I can't do anything to you or else you'll sue, I'm just going to read you the list of all the wonderful things I was planning to do on you." Following the words she said, Jen pulled out a mile long list with words written as small as an ant.

"... _That's_ the list?"

"Uh, no. That's my grocery list," she replied blushing as she threw it off and began searching for her designated item. "Oh! Found it!" This time, she pulled out a _**3**_ mile long list!

"WHAT?!"

"Alright," Jen said as she squinted her eyes in order to read the text. "Let's see... Number one: grab wig and play hot potato with Izzy."

"Ahem!"

"E-scope," Jen corrected in bitter anger and annoyance.

"... What?"

"Number two: Show all of the Youtube videos where people half-heartedly edit your pictures and shoot you and stuff."

"They do **what** to me on those videos?"

"Number three: Trick into playing a game of darts."

"... Wait, what?"

"Number four: Call in Damien to torture her like heck."

"What!? You wouldn't."

"Number five: Pull the magic rope for the amazing hot wax to fall from the sky."

"..."

"Number six: Pull the other magic rope so the amazing bucket of bugs and fish can fall down from the sky."

"..."

"Number seven: ... Um, oh, right! Shoot with soda bazooka!"

"WHAT?!"

"Number eight-"

"Alright, that's it, I'm staying away from you, you crazy psychopath!"

The first two minutes after Heather's leave was filled with silence. It was interupted however with one phrase from Jen: "Thank you!..."

"Hey, I went through a whole chapter with barely any lines!" Izzy squealed in surprise and delight. "Isn't that awesome?!"

"Can it Izzy."

"Ahem."

"Don't even make me say it..."


	23. Gwen

**Here's another ultra-awesome-super-cool-kick-butt chapter of TDI Talk Show!...**

**FYI, 'tis true. I **_**did**_** lose my whole audience :D**

**... Yeah, whoever you may be, please enjoy.**

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"Alrighty," Jen began, yet again... The author began to wonder if this was the same chapter beginning she's been using for several chapters... Yeah, back to the story. "We are currently nearing the end, so please welcome our next guest, Gothed-out Gwen!"

Like intended, Gwen, with a nonchalant expression, entered the stage and sat down on her chair. As soon as she did, she began taking notice of the strange and disturbing smile Jen was giving off to her.

"Uh," she began. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?"

"The freaky smile."

"Oh, _that_," Jen said in realization. "Well, you see, I always plan out what to do with you victi- I mean guests. Sometimes it's logical, sometimes it's totally random and illogical."

"Okay... How does this explain anything?"

"For you, I've decided to scare the crud out of you until you ultimately leave the studio!"

"... But doesn't that face hurt or get to you?"

"... What do you mean?..."

"... Um, right, can I leave now?"

"Aw, but we just started! Please tell us: Why do you attract accident prone guys"

"What?!" Gwen impulsively shouted in response. "I do _not_ attract accident prone guys!"

"Trent."

"... Uh, look, just because he was mortally injured during the competition doesn't mean he's-"

"Cody."

"... You're enjoying this, aren't you," Gwen grumbled as she stared evilly at Jen... Of course, the evil glare wore off quickly since Jen's face was still in its overly happy and disturbing state.

"Is it getting to you now?"

"Uh, uh, no!"

"Wanna hear a voice recording of Heather insulting everyone on the island?!"

"NO!!" She hissed angrily. "Are you crazy?!"

"Aw, but I got this on eBay for a buck! I don't wanna put it to waste."

"I said no!" Gwen shouted in response. "Haven't you ever been sued or anything from torturing your guests like this?"

"... Well, I interviewed Madonna a couple of times... I tried to get her on again, but she's threatening to sue me 'til I'm homeless."

"... No comment."

"... So, is the face getting to you yet?"

"Uh-"

"Can I talk now?" Izzy asked as she began randomly and wildly shaking the camera.

"NO!!"

"Well, I dub today as opposite day, so that means I _can_ talk!"

"Can it Izzy!"

"Talk louder? OKAY!!"

"..."

"... So is the face getting to you now?"

"Uh-"

"Oh cool!" Izzy cried as she suddenly popped up between the duo, leaving the camera to fall to the ground. For some unfathomable reason, the camera wasn't damaged in the process. "You were the one that got that voice recording I was selling on the Internet?! Let's play it!"

"E-scope, get offa the stage!"

"Nevah!"

In an instant, the stage was full of chaos as Heather's voice recording engulfed the decrepit studio. Jen, her strange facial expression now gone, lost interest in creeping Gwen out and began slap fighting with Izzy. Seeing as how no one but the camera was paying attention, Gwen silently began inching away towards the exit. Making sure the world's scariest freaks didn't notice, she ran off and made sure to never come back.

About ten minutes later...

"Hey," Jen asked as she got off from the ground, all exhausted. "Where did Gwen go?... Ugh, my dad was right. I should exercise more."

"Oh, I think I saw her inching away as if we were zombies earlier," Izzy happily replied with barely a scratch on her. "Oh, oh, I can do a zombie impression! Wanna see?"

"CAN IT IZZY!"

"It's Kaleidoscope!"


	24. Owen

**Yes, the last chapter! W00t!! After losing about... 80 percent of my audience... I have come back with the final chapter... Alright, now I'm just repeating myself... Yeah, whatever. Enjoy.**

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"Alright, so who's next?" Izzy giggled as she continued to mess around at Jen's bottomless desk. "Oh, wait, it's Owen right? Sweet, I love that guy!"

"E-scope," Jen mumbled. "Do you mind coming over here for a sec?"

"Oh, surey-dorey!"

Bad idea E-scope.

In no time flat, Izzy was now back behind the camera...operating it as she's tied to a chair and having a sock stuffed in her mouth... I wonder if she's serious about eating it.

"Alright," Jen laughed. "_Now_ you can't screw the last interview up! Ha, I finally win!"

"Alrighty then," she cleared her throat. "It's time for our final interviewee, Owen!"

On cue, the lovable lug came walking towards his chair...still with Mr. Coconut... God, I thought we got rid of that thing!

"Uh, hey there," Jen greeted, attempting to sound nice. "I see you still have the coconut with you... Great."

"Isn't it? We have a lot of catching up to do!"

"... Great... *cough*Weirdo*cough*"

"What?"

"Oh nothing! So, how have things been since the show ended?"

"Uh, nothing. We're due back after this to start up the second season."

"Oh, right," she giggled uncomfortably in response. "Forgot about that."

"This is gonna be so awesome! WOOOOO-"

"I can't ake it anymore. You're too boring!"

"... I am?"

"And weird!"

"... I am?"

"Dude, you're hanging out with a coconut! I mean,. who does that?!"

"I do!" A new voice chimed in. In a matter of seconds, Izzy popped up right between the guest and host yet again. "You see, there was this one time in art class when we were supposed to paint a bowl of fruit, and my teacher always said to talk with the model to soothe them, so I learned that Bob is allergic to milk, Trisha has triskadekaphobia, and Mikey has-"

"I-Izzy," Jen stemmered. "How did you get here?! I tied you up and I put a sock in your mouth!"

"Izzy!" Owen cried. "I didn't see you back there! Have you met Mr. Coconut?"

"THAT ISN'T MY NAME PEOPLE!!"

"Alright, that's it, I can't take this anymore!" Jen screamed in total annoyance. "All of you, GET THE FREAK OUT OF MY STUDIO!!"

"Fine, whatever," Izzy scoffed. "And FYI, that sock was delicious!"

"..."

"Come on Owen, E-scope is out of here!"

"Y-yeah!" Jen shouted to the distance as the duo (trio?) began to take a leave. "And don't you ever come back you crazy, psychopathic-"

"There she is," a new voice resembling the one of Courtney said in anger.

"GET HER!!" Heather shouted.

"Huh?" It was probably a bad idea to turn around, but a pair of cops came walking by in handcuffs. With this sight, Jen gulped in fright.

"U-uh," she began stammering. "W-what's up guys? Hee, hee, I'm being celebrity Punk'd, right?"

"Not even close," one of the cops groaned.

"Oh come on, what did I do to deserve this," Jen responded as she began to back away from the law.

"Let's see," the other cop began. "We've been getting complaints about this "target" show for a while now, and I do believe many of your guests have been complaining about domestic violence... Including one guest that got hit with a tranquilizer dart."

"D-domestic violence," Jen nervously giggled. "I don't know what you're talking about. How can I get arrested for that?"

"Well, you are getting a court trial before we make a final decision, but if you continue backing away, we may have to do something about you abiding the-"

"YOU CAN'T CATCH ME ALIVE!!" In total panic, the crazy host ran into the guest waiting room...followed by the sound of a breaking window... Oh boy...

"... Yeah," the cop said. "Maybe we should put her into the Crazy Farm instead?"

"Whatever," Courtney grumbled. "Just catch her so I can sue her for all she's got!"

As the gang began running towards the guest room, Jen quietly snook in front of the camera to make her, possibly, final sign off. "Uh yeah," she began in a whisper audible enough to be heard by the camera. "This may be my final broadcast, so I'd like to thank you guys for always watching and it'd be really nice if you guys were to send me some bail money and-"

"Hey, there she is!"

"Uh, um, uh............................. Bye!"

-BZZZZZZZT-

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**Yes, we've finally reached the end!... And I thought it would take a whole year : ) ... Yeah...**

**So, if you peoples are interested in even more crazy Jen and TDI action, come check out my latest variety story, TDI Night Live! I promise, my character is going to be much less mean... Or at least less crazy... Yeah...**

**So anyways, thanks for reading through and I hope you guys can come and check out my other fics! BYE!! *shot for terrible sign-off***


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